I had a dream this morning that Jesus suddenly came among us. We seemed to be somewhere in the vicinity of Palestine. I don’t know who the others were, but we all rejoiced in his appearance. He spoke many things to us. His manner was exuberant. He was in a very good mood. Joyful even. He approached me and asked to see what progress I had made with my book. I showed him and he seemed very pleased. He indicated that he wants me to finish it. I have really stalled on its progress. He understands but wants me to continue and get it done. This is hard for me because time spent on it is time I am not getting nourishment and understanding from reading other things. As he continued speaking, I felt very emotional. I yearned to have him bless me as he blessed the children anciently. He then came and placing his hands on my head, blessed me. I felt his love, joy, and virtue fill my soul. I then awoke from my dream and praised his name!

It’s interesting that in all the encounters I have had with him, he is always so positive, so cheerful, and so full of love. I understand from others that this is not always the case. With me he is always very kind, very encouraging, and very eager to bless me that I might bless the lives of others.

In another dream, years ago, I was standing high up in the atmosphere. It was night and darkness was over the world. But then the presence of the Lord came over me, a blinding beam of bright light came down from him, entered into my body through the top of my head and then shot out my fingertips in thousands of beams of light throughout the earth, giving light and understanding to many who were seeking it. I’ve pondered this dream again and again.

The reality is that in-and-of myself I have no light to give. All I have is what Jesus gives me. But it takes a lot of toil and sacrifice to get that light, package it, and then pass it on to others in a way that is actually useful. It is ridiculously difficult. I often wonder why I am asked to do this when there are others that seem so much better at it than I am. Perhaps it is simply because I am so eager and willing.

One of the reasons I have started making videos is because it is so much easier than writing. Few seem willing to read my writing, but many more seem willing to watch my stupid videos. So much about my presentation in these videos lacks sophistication, my word choice is often very faulty, and I always forget to say really important things. And far too often I completely mess it up, but trust people will understand the intent of what I am trying to say. 

I think that everything I have done so far is just a workshop, of sorts. I know I need to learn and become far more to really be effective in the ways the Lord designs for me to be. But all I know how to do is keep swimming, keep putting one foot in front of the other, in spite of all my frailties and ridiculous inadequacies. I basically have to just keep walking and talking even though I feel like a staggering, fumbling, blithering idiot. I just try to speak, and write, and be guided by the Holy Spirit, even though I still feel like a fool riding a bike with training wheels in heavy traffic. I am like a seven-year-old boy with autism, eagerly hacking away with a wood saw, hammer, and nails, trying to make a tree house. It might turn out very odd looking, but at least I will have done my very best to do something useful. And others might find it useful when the rain comes and all their houses are destroyed.

I just want to be clear that when I share accounts of my encounters with Jesus that I am in no way claiming any kind of special calling, worthiness, righteousness, authority, or privilege. I am as much in need of repentance as anyone else. In fact, in my experience, Jesus is most likely to appear when I am the most in need of repentance and/or additional light and virtue that only he can give.

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