One of the most fascinating questions to explore are questions exploring motivations. Why do we do what we do. Why do I do what I do? I mean, why do I really do what I do?

Today I was involved in a discussion about why people criticize others. This made me think about why I criticize others. To be honest, I think one of the main reasons I and others do this is because it makes us feel better about ourselves. By finding fault in others it makes us feel more righteous in comparison. This is especially true when we are guilty of unrepented sins. In fact, the more guilty we feel, the more inclined we are to find fault in others.

By finding some moral high ground to stand on, it makes us feel virtuous when we really are not. Hence, the term: virtue signaling. Most people would far rather cast blame on others rather than accept and admit their own faults and then repent. This is vanity. It is dishonesty. It is the epitome of delusion.

This line of thought is really causing me to second guess why I do a lot of things. Maybe I am just running away from perfect and complete repentance because I am fundamentally dishonest, cowardly, lazy, arrogant, and lustful. Actually, there is probably no maybe about it.

Why am I writing this book? Why am I doing these videos? Are my motives pure? Do I have better things to do? …like pray, search the scriptures, REPENT?!!!

I definitely believe that I sincerely want to help others. But is that the total motivation? Are all my motivations truly righteous and truly good? I am realistic enough to admit that the answer is probably no.

I wonder how much of my motivation is simply to connect with some collective consciousness, to receive affirmation, to be praised? I can’t say that my heart is so pure that the answer is 100% no.

Or am I gaslighting myself? Doubting myself? What is going on? I need time to think about this. More than anything, I need to just flipping repent!

So if anyone reading this is having similar issues, know that you are not alone. I spout off lots of high ideals. I have lots of academic understanding in my head about the gospel, but it is easy to get discouraged and it is very easy to think of a million excuses to procrastinate repentance to some future day when you think it may be easier. Let me just give you (and me) a clue: it never gets easier.

To me and anyone else reading this: Repent, now. Start doing all the things you know you should be doing. Do not waste anymore time. It is so, so, so worth it! Just do it.