A Guide for Husband and Wife Preparation and Selection

Introduction

One of the ways we receive maximum happiness and joy is by realizing our potential as husbands and fathers, or wives and mothers. As such, we need to plan and prepare ahead of time to meet these responsibilities and receive these blessings. We need to study them and understand them. My purpose in this paper is to briefly review the key concepts that need to be understood in preparing for marriage, selecting a spouse, and successfully raising children.

The role of a man is to compliment a woman and the role of a woman is to compliment a man. They complement each other by bearing and raising children according to the matrimonial pattern instituted by God.

As a husband and wife partnership, one is not above the other. Both are essential parts. But it needs to be clearly understood what the dynamics and roles of a husband and wife ought to be.

In many ways, the husband is the servant of the wife. This is a biological and functional necessity. As a mother, the wife has many functions and roles that a husband cannot duplicate. She bares and nourishes children. She also manages the operations of the home, especially when the husband is away. On the other hand, the husband is to righteously preside over the family because he has the strength, awareness, stability, and God-given responsibility to do so. When these roles are properly understood and righteously performed, great miracles of goodness occur.

Historically, the biological differences between a husband and wife have necessitated these unique gender roles. In an effort to put these things in context, imagine a husband and wife living over a thousand years ago, before the advances of modern culture and technology. The demands of those times necessitated proper preparations and a precise family dynamic. When these dynamics were properly followed, families thrived. When they have not been followed, families have splintered and fallen apart.

In today’s society, with our modern advancements, these necessities have become blurred and gender roles have come under attack. This has caused many problems, including the de-masculinization of men and the de-feminization of women. This is very destructive and sad.

In seeking to better understand proper family dynamics, including gender roles and God’s divine design for families, we should look first at the biological realities of women and men.

A woman’s life is filled with change and instability. Constant hormone changes precipitate constant biological changes, mental and emotional changes, a variety of vulnerabilities, and the need for continuous adaptation. Especially, once a woman starts bearing children, her continual changes become most pronounced and she becomes increasingly vulnerable and in need of a strong, brave, dependable, and fully capable husband to protect her, sustain her, support her, and provide optimum stability and safety. She may not be able to fight off bad guys, wild animals, or those who would do her or her offspring harm. A woman is not typically the best suited to build or repair a house, provide the physical necessities of life, or function in a world of men where women are often devalued, abused, and taken advantage of. She can if she must, but that is easily argued as less than optimal.

Men are designed to complement women and to care for a wife and children. A husband and father’s role is to provide a safe and stable environment for his wife and children. In a hostile world, ever-changing and replete with threats, risks, and dangers, this is no easy task. Especially, in our modern world, a capable husband and father must be knowledgeable and capable in many ways. Developing the knowledge, abilities, strengths, and skill sets needed to be a good husband and father requires careful planning and extensive preparation.

Likewise, growing into and becoming a good wife and mother also requires careful planning and extensive preparation. Much of this planning and preparation is very similar, but much of it is not. A woman’s focus is, in some ways, narrower than a man’s. A woman’s focus is mainly within the home and functioning in a small community. A man’s focus must be much wider and much more developed. He must be knowledgeable and wise in the ways of a larger world, and he must have the strength and technical expertise to earn his way in the world and provide for his family.

Just to recap and expand on that:

It needs to be understood that women are physiologically designed to conceive, bear, and nurture children. Men are physiologically designed to provide stability, protection, leadership, and the necessities of life.

Pregnant or nursing women are in a very vulnerable position. They require strong men to protect them, support them, and compensate for their biologically imposed weaknesses and vulnerabilities.

As (active or potential) mothers, women are constantly experiencing hormonal changes and physiological changes. This makes them perpetually unstable in many ways. Like it or hate it, that’s just the way it is. Rejecting or ignoring this really makes things far worse. I am a big advocate of truthful awareness of status. The facts of life really matter!

As women, mothers derive different types of intuitive, emotional, and physical strength from the dynamics of their feminine biology. These strengths need to be recognized, understood, and valued.

Women are designed to bare children at a young age. The window of opportunity for bearing children is relatively small. For many reasons, it is advantageous for women to begin bearing children at a relatively young age. It is best for children to be born and raised when their mother still has the abilities, strengths, and hormonal advantages of youth.

Men develop very differently from women. It takes longer for a man to develop the qualities that make a good husband than for a woman to develop the qualities that will make her a good mother. Additionally, men are stronger and stay in their prime longer than women.  For these reasons, it is typically better for men to marry at an older age than women.

Historically, women are best suited to begin marriage between the ages of 18 and 20, and men between the ages of 24 and 30. I do not believe that this ideal has changed.

Neither men nor women typically become fully mature until they are about age 35. I am referring to mental, emotional, and spiritual maturity. An essential part of developing that maturity is getting married and having children. Of course, the maturing process continues throughout life.

In order to prepare and meet the challenges of parenthood, it is helpful to review the roles, responsibilities, and ideal qualifications for husbands and fathers, wives and mothers. But first, a few definitions:

Good or goodness – that which has the most value, the most benefit, and the best outcome.

Righteousness – being consistently good; consistently doing good.

Repentance – doing the best good you can do, according to your sincere understanding of what is best.

The Role of a Husband and Father

1. Men are designed to be dependable and effective husbands and fathers.
2. They are meant to establish a home environment best suited for the proliferation and raising of children. This home environment needs to be reasonably safe, stable, and well-suited for raising children.
3. A good husband and father is a delight to his wife and children. He does his best to have a happy home. He plays, sings, helps, teaches, supports, and comforts in every way he can.
4. The husband’s primary role is to support his wife in bearing and raising children.
5. As such, ideal husbands and fathers need:
6. Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual Strength
7. Mental and Emotional Stability
8. Stoic Sobriety
9. The ability and willingness to stand alone in strength and goodness in support of his family
10. The ability and willingness to provide mental, spiritual, physical, and emotional support for his wife and children
11. He needs to be (or ideally should be):
12. Hard Working, Determined, Motivated, Proactive
13. Insightful, Wise, and Cautious
14. An effective leader
15. An effective provider
16. An effective protector
17. An effective teacher
18. A righteous and inspired son of God
19. A vassal king within the Kingdom of God
20. Because it is the husband’s ultimate responsibility to maintain real-world awareness of things outside of the home; and to provide sustenance, protection, and righteous leadership within the home; the husband’s responsibility and authority is to preside over his family in wisdom and righteousness.
21. The husband and father should provide the nurture and guidance that only a righteous husband and father can provide.
22. A good father will be growing and developing into the exact likeness and divine nature of his Heavenly Father.
23. A good father will show a good example to his children of what a desirable and righteous husband and father looks like.
24. A good father always does what is best for the benefit of his family and community.
25. A good father is directed and inspired by God, or by his conscience.

Desirable Qualities for a Good Husband and Father

1. Athletic, Strong, and Physically Fit with Robust Physical Endurance
2. Determination, Motivation, Resolve, Drive, and a Self-Starter
3. Focused Purpose, Clear Goals, and Vision for Life—He should be able to state these quickly and clearly.
4. Good Character: Honesty, Integrity, Compassionate, Kind, Patient, and Humble
5. Stoic, Serious, Sober, Saintly, Spiritual, and Appropriately Religious 
6. Confident, Faith Promoting, and Inspiring Patriarchal Leadership
7. Productive, Gets Things Done, Finishes Tasks, Dependable, and Punctual
8. Stable, Objective, Wise, Rational, Logical, and Dispassionate Decision Maker
9. Courageous, Brave, Good Protector, and Ability in Handling Firearms and Martial Arts
10. Good Memory, Cognition, Deep Thinker, Reader, Academic, and Scientific
11. Good Provider, Makes Good Money, Stable Income, and Hard Worker
12. Handy Man, Can Fix Things, Good with Technology, and Making Skills
13. Understands Finance, Economics, Politics, History, and Religion 
14. Understands Business and the Fundamentals of Law
15. Community Service, Civic Participation, and Service Oriented
16. Understanding of human biology, sexuality, and correct gender roles
17. Understanding of human health, healing, and emergency medicine
18. A good listener
19. Able and willing to receive constructive criticism and feedback without backfire retaliation
20. No bad habits or addictions

General Disqualifiers when looking for a Good Husband and Father

1. No house, no car, unemployed, no viable prospects
2. Male chauvinist: devalues women, views women as inferior, personal property, underlings, incapable, etc.
3. Looking for a trophy wife, a rich wife, a nurse
4. Narcissist, sociopath, bipolar, acute mental illness, or signs of being potentially abusive
5. Bad health, prone to sickness, obesity, etc.
6. Substance addiction (Drugs, Alcohol, Tobacco)
7. Addicted to video games (a gamer)
8. Addicted to social media (Facebook, Instagram, Tik Tok, etc.)
9. Addicted to pornography
10. History of sexual promiscuity without sincere and complete repentance
11. Bad Friends…???
12. Criminal history…???
13. Too much debt…???
14. Prone to nit-pick, nag, or belittle others
15. Entitled, lazy, self-centered, or obsessive about appearance
16. In any way woke, left-wing, socialist, statist, etc.
17. Overtly materialistic, selfish, self-centered, or egocentric

Words of Wisdom and Caution in Spouse Selection

It is rather unlikely that you will find a perfect man or perfect woman according to the ideals I have listed throughout this paper. I suggest these as goalposts, not comprehensive unbending requirements. On the other hand, I have also listed red-flag, high-risk things to look for. If a potential mate displays any of these adverse descriptors then you need to be aware that such a union poses increased risks. You need to decide what risk factors you are willing to bend on. My suggestion is that you try to find a righteous man or woman who fully lives the true gospel of Jesus Christ.

If any of these adverse risk factors appears in your spouse after marriage, then in most cases you will have to just deal with it and encourage improvement and repentance. In cases of repeated infidelity or abuse, divorce should be prayerfully considered. 

When dating and looking for a husband or wife, one should always be on the lookout for signs of a potentially abusive relationship. Without going into lots of details, here is a list of Red Flags and Warning Signs to look for.

1.     Gaslighting—manipulation using psychological arguments used to question your sanity or powers of reasoning

2.      Placing Blame and Guilt, Guilt-tripping, Not Taking Responsibility or Ownership of One’s Own Actions

3.      Denying Bad Behavior

4.      Prone to Confrontational Behavior

5.      Isolation and Sabotaging Special Occasions

6.      Uses Gifts, Favors, Perks, and Benefits to Leverage Control and Manipulation, Black Mail Manipulation

7.      Jealousy, Petty, or Vindictive Behavior

8.      Cruelty Toward Other People and Animals

9.      Disrespect and Blame toward Ex-Partners

10.   Attempts to Control What You Do and Who You Are With

11.   Wants You to Ask Permission for Everything

12.   Control of How You Look or Dress and What You Eat

13.   Belittling or Diminishing Talk

14.   Chronic Lying and Claiming Ignorance

15.   Infidelity

16.   History of Abusive Behavior

17.   Alcohol or Drug Abuse

18.   Breaking Boundaries, Disrespects Boundaries

19.   Stalking, Constant Checking In, or Becoming Super Involved in Everything, Does Not Give You Space or Autonomy

20.   Always Must Know Where You Are, What You Are Doing, and What Your Plans Are

21.   Inability to Compromise

22.   Invalidates Your Thoughts and Feelings

23.   Coercive Behavior

24.   Withholding Love and Attention

25.   Unreasonable or Extreme Paranoia

26.   Lack of Trust

27.   Lies, Deceives, Tells Half-Truths, Dishonest  

28.   Quick to Find Fault, Accuse, or Believe the Worst About You

29.   Angry and Explosive Behavior

30.   Subtle Physical and Verbal Abuse, Passive Aggressive

31.   Claims Divine Manifestations for Authority Over You

32.   Financial Predation, Often Asks for Money

33.   Threatens, Intimidates, Dominates

34.   Does Not Communicate, Keeps You in The Dark

35.   Manifests the Cycle of Abuse:

• Tension Building
• Incident of Violence
• Reconciliation and Love Bombing – showers you with gifts and positive attention…
• Calm
• Tension Building, etc.

Keep in mind, as you date, that it is very unlikely that you will meet anyone you consider to be perfect, especially not at such a young age. When dating, you are sure to notice faults, including signs of insecurity, self-doubt, and maybe even a lack of maturity. This is normal. What you should see are many developing qualities and many opportunities for improvement and growth. Just do not be so eager to see the good and the potential that you are foolishly blind to big Red Flags and Warning Signs, so it is wise to study these Red Flags and Warning Signs so you can be wise about them.

Another possible misstep is confusing confidence and competence with ego, arrogance, and pride. Finding a spouse with well-earned confidence and competence is really a huge find! Don’t just walk away from that by foolishly jumping to conclusions and assumptions. Often, really capable people struggle with manifesting the kind of humility people like to see. It can take a few years of tempering and experience for exceptional people to balance out their confidence with meekness.

Another big mistake people often make is falling in love with the idea of falling in love. In other words, they are so enamored with the idea of being in love that they convince themselves that they are in love when really they are not and when really their love interest clearly lacks vital qualifications for being a suitable mate.

Another common mistake is thinking that the classic fairy tale romantic Hollywood portrayal of love is the kind of experience one must have in connection with finding a suitable spouse. To be clear, romance is great, chemistry is great, and having complementary interests and interpersonal compatibility is all great, but what is more important is to find one who approximately aligns with your standards and needs in a spouse. It is easy to be romanced and schmoozed by a player, also called a womanizer or seducer, and then find out that they plainly lack the essential qualities needed for a successful marriage and family.

Also, be careful about who you take advice and counsel from. In general, I highly discourage taking counsel or advice from anyone under age 35. I also discourage taking advice from anyone other than those who love you unconditionally. One of the most frustrating things I have experienced as a father is seeing children of mine taking advice from foolish, inexperienced, entitled, snowflake, godless, leftist peers. If you are dumb enough to take advice from such as these, then you deserve whatever resultant misfortunes come your way, especially when you are disregarding the wise advice of parents, grandparents, or the equivalent.

Also, don’t be a prude. Don’t throw away a potentially excellent spouse because they do not measure up to your ideas about romance, sex appeal, or some other shallow or selfish measurement of perfection. Take everything to the Lord and always do what you sincerely think, and feel is best, as you are inspired by God.

Remember, goodness is that which brings the most value, the most benefit, and the best outcome. Do good. Choose good. Be good. Do this and everything will always turn out for the best.

Some Wise Advice for Boys and Girls, Men and Women

1. Avoid dating one-on-one until you are ready for marriage.
2. No girlfriends or boyfriends until you are ready for marriage.
3. Avoid close relationships with those who do not meet your standards for marriage.
4. Maintain strict sexual purity. Sexual deviance will likely destroy your life and future prospects. I cannot stress this enough.
5. I highly recommend not kissing until you are engaged, or better yet until you are married. Never kiss sitting down or lying down until you are married. No French kissing until you are married. Save yourself for your future spouse in every way. Do this and you will avoid much relationship complexity, drama, and heartache. And you will greatly minimize potential temptation. Kissing is an act of sexual foreplay. Once you remove this boundary, other boundaries will not mean much. Those who are honest will acknowledge and confess that this is true.
6. Do not engage in physical forms of intimacy that are sexually arousing until after you are married. Sexually arousing forms of intimacy outside of marriage are not good. They do not promote the best value, the best benefit, or the best outcomes. As such, they are evil, and they are sinful. These concepts and standards are very unpopular, but they are for the best. Do what is best, not what makes you feel good. Pay your dues. As you do this, your rewards will be exponentially greater than those who steal and take shortcuts.
7. Set clear boundaries in your relationships. Make sure those boundaries are manifest in your thoughts, words, actions, and by how you dress.
8. Do not tolerate abuse. Do not allow your friends and associates to manipulate you or control you, especially in abusive ways. Be brave and kind. Not tolerating abuse is an essential form of kindness.
9. Work hard to obtain and develop the qualities of a good husband and father or wife and mother.
10. Mary a truly good person.
11. Prepare and teach your children to be great parents.
12. Do not give your children entertainment electronics, smartphones, or tablets with internet access. Such actions are tantamount to sending your children straight to hell. It is spiritual and emotional murder of one’s own offspring. That’s bad.

Goals for Success and Happiness for Men

1. Be qualified and well-ready to start a family by age 25. Make a checklist and get it done.
2. Establish multiple professional skills and obtain work experience for multiple streams of income.
3. Structure your education and development to be self-employed and/or own your own business. This will greatly expand your freedom, flexibility, and vocational options and choices.
4. Plan to establish investments and business structures that provide multiple streams of passive income. This has been a wise financial strategy in the past. This might not be a very viable option in the future due to increased economic and political instability.
5. Do not procrastinate making these preparations and becoming the very best you can be.

Goals and Strategies for Success and Happiness for Women

1. Be qualified and well-ready to start a family by age 19. Make a checklist and get it done. Do not procrastinate.
2. Have backup plans and professional qualifications in case you must provide for yourself or your family.
3. Study how to be the best wife and mother you can be
4. Men want to feel valued, respected, cherished, and needed. This is important in attracting a good man. Women that appear too independent, indifferent, and unemotional sometimes get passed over. Being an outwardly strong and independent career woman may have unintended consequences. So, if you find a man that you are interested in, be sure to make him feel valued, respected, cherished, and needed. Be excited when you see him and show emotion. Show him that you want him and need him. This can make all the difference.
5. Good men want to be good men. A good man wants to find a good woman who will compliment him in his role in allowing him to be a good man for her. Discuss with the man you want your desires for marriage, your ideas about how a marriage should work, and see if your views are compatible. A frank and open discussion is best. You need to be able to have frank and open discussions about these things. If it is a good match, you will find you enjoy having these conversations for hours and hours. This will mentally and emotionally bond the two of you together and make marriage a natural and logical next step. These conversations will also help to reveal Red Flags and Warning Signs.
6. Do not delay marriage for education or career goals. Eventually, you will find the rewards to be relatively hollow and worthless compared to the great blessings and benefits of a good marriage.
7. Once you are engaged, short delays are fine, long delays very likely are not. If you find the right man, do not delay any more than a year. In most cases, I would recommend not delaying any more than three to six months. Long delays can drive wedges into your relationship. Short delays give you enough time to test the union to see if it is really right.
8. Being engaged can be very difficult, but it is very useful. While you are engaged you will see a different part of your fiancé. You will see him or her under stress, in relation to family, and in a variety of circumstances. You will more easily recognize Red Flags and Warning Signs of abuse.
9. Follow your conscience. If you keep experiencing a pestering, nagging, dark feeling about the prospect of marrying this person, you should get some inspired counsel from a wise parent or grandparent and then prayerfully do whatever you sincerely feel is right.
10. The first year and then the first five years of marriage are generally the hardest. You will both need to do a lot of maturing and character development in a short amount of time. You will be tempted to criticize your spouse and be irritated by his or her actions quite often. You will need to talk through a lot of things, frankly and openly. You will need to improve in many ways. You will need to be open to constructive criticism and feedback on many things. You will need to deal with pre-marriage baggage that suddenly surfaces in unexpected ways. Often you will act as a therapist for your spouse in offering counsel, encouragement, and love. You will need to pray for more love, more patience, more wisdom, and more inspiration from heaven.
11. After you are married, do not postpone having children. The window of opportunity is short, and delay will decrease what you can achieve and the happiness and success you will have in this life.
12. I highly suggest natural childbirth, if possible. I also suggest breastfeeding your children as long as you can, at least two or three years. Deviations from these natural maternal processes can often cause huge problems for the mother and child in many ways. Specifically, deviations often increase risks of postpartum depression, weight gain, and not being able to nurse off the weight gained during pregnancy.
13. Children who are not nursed long enough and spend too much time in isolation can have problems with separation anxiety and abandonment anxiety. They may also suffer from decreased immunity. In my family, nursing children slept with us in our bed. We used two queen-sized beds, side-by-side. Everyone always notices how happy and healthy our children are. I believe that a big part of that is the result of following these natural processes and routines.
14. I strongly advise against vaccination, especially where babies and young children are concerned. Those who push vaccinations cannot be trusted. This is a massive topic. Suffice it to say that almost all vaccinations pose huge risks with very little evidence of benefit. Do not add your name to the lists of thousands of parents who destroyed the lives of their children by vaccinating them. There are other much safer and much more effective alternatives.
15. One mistake often made by new mothers is that after they have their first child, they suddenly place all their attention on their child and begin disregarding and neglecting their husband. Remember that although your child’s physical and emotional needs come first that your marriage also still comes first. This may seem like a contradiction, but it is not. Love your husband and allow him to be a good husband and father. The worst thing you can do to your child is to destroy your marriage by neglect, cold-heartedness, and making your husband feel like suddenly he does not matter. Your marriage always comes first. This is not a conflict in interests.
16. Keep dating and strengthening your marital relationship and your romantic relationship with your spouse. This priority is eternal.
17. Plan to home-school your children. Public schools are rife with drugs, pornography, abuse, and leftist indoctrination. They are not safe places. A few children get through going to public school with relatively little damage; most do not! Of course, there are possible exceptions, but exceptions always need to be met with commensurate safety measures.
18. Understand that the nurture and safety of your children are your highest responsibility. Do not compromise on this. I have seen too many very sad cases where this wisdom was not followed. Do what is best for your children.

The Role of a Wife and Mother

1. Women are designed to be dependable and efficient wives and mothers.
2. Women are by nature generally more compassionate, nurturing, and intuitive in feminine ways. Their many feminine attributes, by design, give them a special affinity toward children. These attributes also attract, inspire, and help husbands, if used properly.
3. The role of a wife and mother is to help establish a home that is a haven from the world, a place of love, nurture, learning, beauty, worship, and holiness. It is a place primarily designed for the procreation, nurturing, and raising of children.
4. A good wife and mother is a delight to her husband and children. She plays, sings, helps, teaches, supports, and comforts in every way she can.
5. A wife’s primary role is the procreation, nurturing, and raising of children. This is the most important and vital role anybody can have. She shares this role with her husband.
6. Like her husband, a wife needs to be (or ideally should be):
7. Hard Working, Determined, Motivated
8. Insightful, Wise, Cautious, Appropriately Proactive
9. An effective leader
10. An effective provider
11. An effective protector (in the possible absence of her husband)
12. An effective teacher
13. A righteous and inspired daughter of God
14. A worthy vassal queen within the Kingdom of God
15. A loyal wife will follow the lead of her husband so long as he leads in goodness and righteousness. And even when he does not, she will do her best to support him and show loyalty as best she can, in consideration of whatever she deems as the highest good.
16. A good wife is a counselor, a warning voice, and spiritual support to her husband.
17. A good wife will do her best to compensate for her husband’s deficiencies. And he should do likewise for her.
18. A good wife and mother will do her best to provide the nurture and guidance that only a righteous wife and mother can provide.
19. A good mother will be growing and developing into the exact likeness and divine nature of her Heavenly Mother.
20. A good mother will show a good example to her children of what a desirable and righteous wife and mother looks like.
21. A good mother always does what is best for the benefit of her family, as she is directed and inspired by God.

Desirable Qualities for a Good Wife and Mother

1. Physical Health, Core Strength, and Endurance
2. Determination, Motivation, Resolve, Drive, and Self-Starter
3. Focused Purpose, Clear Goals, and Vision for Life– She should be able to state these quickly and clearly.
4. Good Character: Honesty, Integrity, Compassionate, Kind, Patient, and Humble
5. Confident, Faith Promoting, and Inspiring Matriarchal Leadership
6. Productive, Gets Things Done, Finishes Tasks, Dependable, and Punctual  
7. *Happy, Cheerful, Beautiful, Saintly, Spiritual, and Appropriately Religious 
8. *Good home and family manager
9. *Good cook and homemaker
10. *Disposition to beautify the home; to make the home a heavenly refuge
11. *Disposition to nurture, comfort, and edify others
12. *Never stops learning about matters important to wives and mothers
13. Effective teacher and educator
14. Courageous and Brave
15. Good Memory, Cognition, Deep Thinker, Reader, Academic, and Scientific
16. Good with Technology, and Making Skills
17. Understands Finance, Economics, Politics, History, and Religion 
18. Understands Business and the Fundamentals of Law
19. Community Service, Civic Participation, and Service Oriented
20. Understanding of human biology, sexuality, and correct gender roles
21. Understanding of human health, healing, and emergency medicine
22. A good listener, Able and willing to receive constructive criticism and feedback without backfire retaliation
23. No bad habits or addictions

General Disqualifiers when looking for a Good Wife and Mother

1. Feminist: devalues men, views men as inferior, seeks to dominate men, demasculinizes men, rejects and seeks to undermine the gender roles of men…
2. Looking for a trophy husband, a rich sugar daddy, without the sincere intent of being a good wife and mother
3. Too much debt (men are prone to be less tolerant of a potential wife with unnecessarily acquired debt)
4. Narcissist, sociopath, bipolar, acute mental illness, or signs of being potentially abusive
5. Bad health, prone to sickness, obesity, etc.
6. Substance addiction (Drugs, Alcohol, Tobacco)
7. Addicted to video games (a gamer)
8. Addicted to social media (Facebook, Instagram, Tik Tok, etc.)
9. Addicted to pornography
10. History of sexual promiscuity without sincere complete repentance
11. Bad Friends…???
12. Criminal history…???
13. Prone to nit-pick, nag, or belittle others
14. Entitled, lazy, self-centered, or obsessive about appearance
15. In any way woke, left-wing, socialist, statist, etc.
16. Overtly materialistic, selfish, self-centered, or egocentric

As with men, it is very unlikely that you will find a perfect woman, but not as unlikely. I have listed red-flag, high-risk things to look for. If a potential mate displays any of these adverse descriptors, then you need to be aware that such a union poses increased risks. You need to decide what risk factors you are willing to compromise on. My suggestion is that you try to find a righteous woman who fully lives the gospel of Jesus Christ.

If any of these adverse risk factors appear(s) in your spouse after marriage then in most cases, you will have to just deal with it and encourage repentance. In cases of repeated infidelity or abuse, divorce should be prayerfully considered.

Conclusion

When considering a marriage union, you should ask yourself, “Am I the best one for this person to marry? Can I do the most good, offer the most benefit, and provide the best outcome for this individual?” If the answer is yes, then maybe you should marry that person. If it is a doubtful no, then maybe you should not.

When considering a marriage union, you should also ask yourself, “Is this person the best match for me? Do they meet my minimum standards? Is this really the best I can do? Is this the one God has prepared for me to marry?” In many cases, no marriage is much better than a bad marriage. We all know that this is true.

Marriage is about receiving and imparting light and truth in ways that are otherwise impossible. As this occurs, great goodness and joy become possible. We should marry and be married with the intent of imparting and receiving light and truth in the best ways possible. Marriage is all about enabling and inspiring edification and growth.

One of the most painful and destructive issues one can experience in a marriage and in a family is when the righteous exchange of light and truths is not occurring. When a wife devalues her husband or when a husband devalues his wife, great pain and heartache occur. A husband should cherish and love his wife and a wife should cherish and love her husband. This means that a husband and wife would honor each other in their unique roles. And it means that the righteous exchange of light and truth should be an ongoing, day-to-day feast and celebration.

When a wife disrespects and dishonors her husband and will not learn from him or honestly consider his words of teaching, correction, warning, or wisdom, such pride and rejection will invariably cause separation and pain. Additionally, when she blatantly disregards his moral sensitivities and dishonors his reasonable wishes in the management of family affairs, their bonding becomes breached, and a loss of love and trust occurs. The reverse is also true. Such unions, if not repaired, will never be eternal.

A husband-and-wife relationship is similar to a flight crew where a Captain and First Officer each have their assigned responsibilities and tasks. Where good crew coordination is observed, great harmony and efficiency are achieved, when it is not it often leads to contention, inefficiency, and potential disaster. When a First Officer walks all over his Captain, disrespecting him, taking over his responsibilities, and trampling his role of authority, great conflict and dysfunction occur. The reverse is also true.

In aviation, we have Standard Operating Procedures (SOPs). In marriage and family, we have familial roles. Our modern society seeks to destroy and confuse familial roles and gender roles, including the traditional and correct roles of husbands and wives. Society uses the excuse of abusive gender behaviors of the past, particularly where husbands have abused their wives and children, not living the gospel of Jesus Christ, and not following the pattern that God designed for them to follow, by disregarding biblically prescribed familial functions and rules of behavior.

When we actually follow the principles, laws, commandments, and patterns established by God for the happiness and nurture of families, then we are blessed with joy and prosperity, including mental, spiritual, and eternal progression of the best kinds.

We need to return to the correct roles and revealed patterns for righteous family living, as set forth in the laws and commandments of God. Discovering and living the truth of God in relation to righteous family life brings a fullness of joy. That is the goal.

When both a husband and wife become fully vested in the gospel of Jesus Christ, perfecting their faith, perfecting their repentance, receiving the Holy Ghost, and are both sealed as sons and daughters of Jesus Christ, they become candidates for eternal marriage. The laws and qualifications for eternal marriage are very exact and precise. This should be the goal of every husband and wife.

A truly righteous husband and wife can and will receive a fullness of joy as the fruits of their efforts and the fruits of their faithfulness in living the true gospel of Jesus Christ mature. Living this gospel is all-inclusive. And so, preparing for a successful marriage and selecting a qualified spouse is of paramount importance.

I hope these perspectives are helpful. I would appreciate any feedback or ideas for correction or improvement.

Thank you.

Recommendations: 

Cindy Hughes has a YouTube series on Wisdom and Womanhood that I highly recommend. 

Rob Smith also has several great videos on family, marriage, etc. 

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